What the hale betch?

I was waiting for the light to change on Apache and Normal. I was waiting like a regular human. There were no flashing neon signs or whirlwinds of glitter or totally awesome backup dancers. However, little me, standing on the street corner, minding her own business, attempting to block the indecisive sun from her eyes, was the victim of a yelp-and-run. Now generally speaking, a yelp-and-run consists of a person, typically male, inside a vehicle, more than likely in the passenger side, howling, either words or beastly noises at an innocent pedestrian lady. Well, I know what you're thinking: I'm simply projecting my love for the TLC classic "No Scrubs" onto myself in a sort of sick and twisted way. But man oh man do you have it wrong. Today a gentleman, perhaps an ungentleman, stuck his head out of his car window, eyed his prey, commonly known as me, and from his mouth sprang forth these words: "THERE IS A GOD!" All right, I mean, people yell weird things at me occasionally, but I don't think I've ever inspired pure, unadulterated faith. This being said, I should probably get myself to a nunnery. Okay, seriously, I know I'm too attractive to be a nun. Calm down. Alas, this brings me to my burning question: Am I a "Monet?" If you have ever seen the movie "Clueless," as I have more times than I can count, you will recall that the main character, Cher, classifies her arch nemesis, Amber, as a "Monet." In case you aren't hip to the Beverly Hills jive, a "Monet" is a lady who can only be admired from a distance because up close she is a big old mess. Although I think I'm just as lovely up close, perhaps I'm messy in a more figurative sense. Messy like complicated, as opposed to poorly dressed. I've concluded that I am in fact some breed of "Monet" because those from afar, like our newest member of the iheartgodclub, fear me not, but the nearer in proximity, the more fuzzy/splotchy/unclear things become. I find this revelation mighty fascinating and thought I'd share it. Basically, epiphanies are weird; that's all.